For the few short years we’ve spent together, you have been a constant reminder of all that is good and right in the world. You are kind, caring, and perpetually happy.
I’m the polar opposite of all that you are. I’m flawed, jaded, and often angry.
When I took you to the vet Friday, I had no idea I was going to learn that you may have cancer.
There have been significant health scares before. From the lick granulomas we struggled with for over a year, to the Cushing’s scare, the diabetes insipidus, and then arthritis.
But this time the news wasn’t at all good. The cells from the tumor don’t look normal. There’s apparently a second mass on the underside of your tail, and possibly a third. Getting the sample was painful for you, and I can see even more today that your leg bothers you. You won’t even let me touch your tail. And most significant, you aren’t smiling.
Rumpy has been upset lately, and now I know why. He was the same way with Sage before she left us. As for me, I’m a wreck. I feel guilty, wondering why I didn’t see this sooner. I cry. I have no appetite. I can’t think. My eyes are so red, I’m sure everyone at the post box thought I was high.
I’ve got to get it together, though. We need to enjoy today. We don’t have a final diagnosis yet, so there’s still a chance it’s something else. I need to be strong, so I can do right by you, whatever that entails.
DeDe, you are, more than any other creature, the one who has inspired me to be my best. I don’t know how I can be that person without you.