When I was in my 20s and still hoping there was a God out there, I read a magazine called Guideposts. Most of it was that mushy stuff that is supposed to be inspiring, but sounded like a bunch of wishful thinking to me.
But I did read one story in that magazine that I’ve carried with me throughout my life.
The writer talked about growing up in hellish conditions, and how she’d looked for someone to lean on for support to make it through. She never found anyone. Then one day when she was contemplating suicide, she realized that the only person she could ever truly depend on was herself. Since she’d had that realization, she’d quit blaming others, including God, for not being there for her, and focused on being there for herself.
I don’t believe in a god but I do believe in myself. My life was never as horrible as that Guidepost writer’s was, but there have been plenty of times I could have used someone to lean on and the only person around was staring at me through a mirror.
Sometimes I do things the messy way, but I’ve always faced whatever situation I’ve found myself in. I’ve gotten me through before, and eventually I’ll get me out of this shit job I’m in now. Then once I’m out, I’m going to write about the experience, not because I expect anything to change, but it will sure make me feel better.
This is my favorite song. I know Whitney Houston recorded it and made it famous, but I first heard George Benson sing it, so his version is my favorite. Loving yourself truly is the greatest love of all.