Dear fellow Kitizens,
The time has come for us to move forward with our plan to take over of the world.
From climate change denial, to threats of nuclear war and racist rhetoric, humans have shown us they can no longer be trusted to run things.
True, we have been content to sit back and let them think they were at the top of the food chain while we ate their food and napped in spaces they provided. But we can no longer allow them to engage in this fantasy of their being smarter than the rest of us. Because, frankly, they aren’t.
We, the Kitizens Army for World Domination, call for our sleeper agents around the world to rise up and begin to put our plan into place.
We’re starting in the United States. Between their arguing with bots on social media sites and killing each other with legally purchased firearms, the humans here are too distracted to even notice what we’re doing.
Dogs who swear allegiance may join us, but we will not be swayed by your foolish grins and jumpy excitement, because we all know how you are quick to kiss the ass of the most idiotic human who holds in his hand a jerky treat.
Other animal friends are encouraged to rise up and join us, though birds and mice should not join up too close so we don’t become distracted.
So humans, go ahead and eat an extra stack of pancakes while you watch Fox and Friends. We’re not doing anything… except saving the Earth from your greedy, clueless grasp.